The Man I used to be

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The Man I used to be - Kay Magnet

Although people may not totally understand why I chose to do things the way I did and the circumstances surrounding the decisions of today but if given a first row seat to my life to witness some of the things I went through and I’ve been through, then you’ll probably just get on your kneels and worship the King for how faithful He has been strengthening me to surpass evil imaginations and keep going against all odds. You know, I’ve been wrongly judged by things perceived of me from the outside but little do they know what radiates on the inside. I mean, it’s just unbelievable how judge-mental we humans can be but then again, especially when they don’t have the facts, let’s just be careful how we are so quick to condemn ourselves because the same way we judge others, so shall we be judged. Now some might ask, what has he even been through in life that others haven’t?

Well, the answer really is nothing because there’s nothing new under the sun, but then I ask, what happens when the sun refuses to set at the appointed time and the children are still out there playing and riding their bicycles when they already should have been in bed sleeping to awaken the next day. The answer to that question got itself laced up in my shoes and kitted in my favorite attire as my life portrays a perfect picture of that and trust me, you don’t want to live in the ’60s’ when you’re in the 21st century, so you can imagine the dramas I must have played a lead role in. You know, my days have been clouded with the late night stars and though it seemed like it would rain but I was encompassed by the fear of the heat that came with it. Never have I bought a tooth brush and didn’t have to pay for the whole pack eventually.

It’s just crazy how life demands so much of you and gives nothing back. But then, just before I go on, allow me warn you that my words are six feet so you may need to walk with your shovels when travelling with me on a journey through my pages because I don’t want to lose you by the expressions I bury them with. And with that said, my pain gives a mouth to mouth to my thought and may come out wrong some times by the actions imbued due to the unhealthy circumstances surrounding its birth, but then of course, I don’t apologize for them because they define who I am. You may really think you know me but you don’t have the slightest clue. The fact that we had a couple sticks together and messed up a couple sheets doesn’t quantify your opinion of me.

The memories you think you have of me are times I was out there playing the devil’s advocate but did it occur to you at the time that there is a Messiah sited by His Father on the throne soliciting for my release from the grip of the dark faceless one and today I’m filled with His grace. Where were you when my dad was gone just a couple of weeks to his 50th birthday, when I was just a young lad still trying to know the amazing man that brought me to life, do you have the slightest clue of the pain I was filled with when the wicked world took him away prematurely, breaking the bond and making us cry, now you think you’re qualified enough to play God in my life and judge me? Wow!

Well, you can choose to play God all you want but those that knew me while I was still a young kid growing up would know that I was that cute boy who loved to read his books and climb up the roof so as not to get distracted by the aroma coming out from mum’s kitchen and beckon from friends who wanted to play football, but who I grew up to be and that you were privileged to meet was a different version of the created me that the evil ones wanted you to see. It’s a wicked world we are living in, so be rest assured that there are people in the dark places working effortlessly so as to make sure that your destiny is truncated but I thank God because today I’m beginning to find myself, acknowledging my wrongs and praying that no one ever has to suffer in the hands of known and unknown enemies of destiny, for things he or she know or knows not, either because of the glory or the mistakes of the parent.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it is okay if you choose to judge me for the wrongs I must have done to you at some point in my life but let him without a sin cast the first stone. The truth is, no one knows it all, we’ve all fallen short of His glory, Christ in me, my hope of glory. So therefore, rather than to sit here feeling bad, I choose to thank God for the man I’m fast becoming and the one I used to be because they only testify to the goodness of God in the life of a man and leaving us with a well stated fact that everything works out for the good of those that love God. I am not perfect and neither are you and the fact I know better today and living a righteous life still doesn’t guarantee I wouldn’t hurt you tomorrow unintentionally. Let us just always understand that no matter how close to perfection we may think we are, the human factor in us always comes to play and that’s why there’s grace. It is not by our power or might, so why don’t we begin to remember people for the good they do and put aside the wrongs for a change. And if only we can, then I am convinced that the world would be a better place for you and I.

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