I saw my insecurity when I noticed how often I wanted to interject myself into the praise someone else is receiving.
It is a hard thing to see in yourself- the inability to be completely happy for someone else either because you are partly occupied with asserting what role you had to play in the object of the person’s success or thinking about how you too could have done it.
The reason for this difficulty has to do with the realisation that you are insecure. You are insecure, not because you can’t fully be happy for someone. You are fully happy for that person. Only you aren’t able to fully experience the genuine pride in the achievement of the next person because you are too scared that you are not good enough.
And so instead of revelling in the success of your fellow human being, you begin grappling for that assurance that you too are good and kind and intelligent or responsible and trustworthy. You struggle for this validation because you have not allowed yourself to exert the authority to acknowledge, approve of and congratulate yourself.
When you know yourself because you have tested your limits, surpassed them and created higher limits to overcome, you don’t need anyone to tell you how great you are. You know it yourself because you have taken the time to acknowledge every effort you have made to push through the different levels of challenges and obstacles you’ve come across in life.
We feel a constant sense of dissatisfaction and discontentment with ourselves when we aren’t present and aware. If we just do and do and do without stopping to be intentional and mindful of what it is we are doing, there is no way we can see and appreciate how far we have come and all that we have become.
Insecurity stems from not really knowing who you are. It comes from being happy with other people telling you who you are, even when they are more clueless than you are. It comes from being afraid that you aren’t qualified enough to asses yourself. It may be true. You may be wildly ignorant, but the solution is not to outsource your self-assessment but to become more mindful.
Insecurity is a place of fear. A place of ignorance. And a place of captivity. You are held captive by your need to be externally approved. It’s slavery of a subtle form because it is what most people put themselves through. It is how many are taught. Live for the approval and commendation of someone else – that’s the entire school system.
Today, think about all the ways in which you are scared of your opinion of yourself. Notice when the opinions you have are from what you have learnt from other people.
And then make a commitment to begin to acknowledge yourself, to give yourself the authority to say “good job, now let’s hit our next target” and to be sure of yourself that your self- assessment is independent of any and all external recognition.
Your friends within.
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